Bart, a coffee is like a woman. It look good, it smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one.
|Greyhounds drink Green Mountain Coffee|
But the list goes on.
Coffee was discovered in Africa by hyperactive goats with a feverish appetite for tin cans.
Coffee was originally popularized by Islam, which for some reason bans beer.
The English coffee house was a place for rogues and skaliwags to gather and conspire against the King. So King Somebody banned them.
And other things too.
But, most importantly (although the constipated would argue against met here) coffee is a natural performance enhancing drug. Not only is it a stimulant, it also increases power output during exercises by releasing calcium stores in muscle tissue, and dulling the brains ability to sense exhaustion.
|Be a man. Drink like a coffee hound.|
World record 100m outhouse run times are set every day.
Here's some stuff that proves that I'm right:
Coffee: A legal Performance Enhancer