Coffee Hounds are Greyhounds

In the modified words of Homer Simpson:
Bart, a coffee is like a woman. It look good, it smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one.

Greyhounds drink Green Mountain Coffee
There are a lot of good reasons to drink coffee. Thanks to Homer, we all know the basics. It does look good. It does taste great. And it does make you poop like a champion.

But the list goes on.
Coffee was discovered in Africa by hyperactive goats with a feverish appetite for tin cans.
Coffee was originally popularized by Islam, which for some reason bans beer.
The English coffee house was a place for rogues and skaliwags to gather and conspire against the King. So King Somebody banned them.
And other things too.

But, most importantly (although the constipated would argue against met here) coffee is a natural performance enhancing drug. Not only is it a stimulant, it also increases power output during exercises by releasing calcium stores in muscle tissue, and dulling the brains ability to sense exhaustion.

Be a man. Drink like a coffee hound.
So, before you seriously consider an altitude tent, or daily beta alanine suplaments, or CoQ12, or Bovine Growth Hormone, or bags of your own stored blood (yes, people do this), try a single, double, quad, red eye, cappuccino, late, machiato, americano, or black straight up. You'll be amazed how much faster you can go at almost any distance.

World record 100m outhouse run times are set every day.

Here's some stuff that proves that I'm right:

Coffee: A legal Performance Enhancer

1 comment:

  1. Good post. Can you make sure Brett reads this and knows it's the secret to your success? Then maybe we can get him to start drinking it! :) Also, totes agree on the coffee choice, sigh, I wish they loved me as much as I love them!

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